The State of our Union is SLOSHED!: Drinking Game

Are you ready for tonight? Have your booze of choice ready? Well hang on, cuz here comes the State of the Union Drinking Game.

This game is a time honored tradition, and for the last eight years a necessity to get through the entire speech without crying or defecting to Canada. This year we may not get to drink every time the President says “terrorist,” “WMD,” or “nuclear” but we’ve put together a list of rules to keep you and your friends entertained and sloshed.

• Obama walks to the podium- one shot to get you warmed up
• You still have your election bumper sticker on your car- one shot
• It says “yes we did”- one shot, you should be properly warmed up now

• Red power tie- one shot of Red Bull and vodka
• Blue peace tie- one shot of Red Bull, no vodka
• Michelle’s dress matches his tie- two shots and three snaps in a “D” formation

• Lifts his right hand in a dramatic gesture- one shot
• References Apple’s new iPad- finish drink
• Mentions the late Senator Kennedy- crack your first Guinness
• Any reference to Scott Brown- two shots of Jack Daniels
• Any time Obama negates his own statement- two shots
• Any accidental use of a Bushism- Chug one PBR
• Any reference to death panel, birther, or Sarah Palin- one moose jerky martini
• We enter the section where he throws the gay community a bone- one cosmo and go donate $10 to marriage equality here
• Promises to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act or Don’t Ask Don’t Tell- three shots and don’t hold your breath
• Takes a stance on Proposition 8- pinch yourself, you fell asleep
• References Haiti- one shot and text 90999 to donate $10 to the Red Cross
• References to Wall Street versus Main Street- Drink one PBR if your savings account has less than $1000 in it. Drink one imported microbrew if your savings account has more than $1000 in it.
• Guantanamo- one shot of jailhouse hooch
• Use of the term Spending Freeze- Turn on your Margaritaville and make a round for the room
• Iraq/Afganistan/Iran/Pakistan/North Korea/Cuba/China- one shot per 3 references, we’re not advocating alcohol poisoning
• Mentions his love of Blackberry or his first Tweet- Jell-o shot
• Reference to immigrants or immigration- one tequila shot, two if he uses the term “our nation’s boarders”, finish the bottle if he proposes building the wall
• The congress boos him at any point- Switch to Fox News. If the scroll on the bottom of the screen mentions it, finish drink.
• Shot of Biden grinning vacantly- 1 shot
• Shot of Biden scowling- 2 shots
• Teleprompter problem- one shot

Uses the term:

• “Unemployment”- one shot of grain alcohol out of an origami cup you made from your resume
• “Our Nation’s Youth”- Mix a Shirley Temple
• “Let me be clear”- One shot, seriously- pace yourself
• “The road ahead”- take two aspirin for the massive hangover you’re going to have tomorrow
• “Legalization” in reference to anything: marriage, immigrants, drugs- hand over your heart, salute the flag, and one PBR
• “Health Care”- drink a glass of water, alcoholism may be considered a preexisting condition
• “Coming together”- giggle and two shots
• “Activist court”- finish your drink
• “Across the aisle”- swap drinks with the person next to you and finish the drink

• You’re brave enough to watch this all on Fox News- seek therapy for your masochistic tendencies
• You’re stupid enough to watch this all on Fox News- sign up to volunteer at Acorn tomorrow morning
• You’re watching this on CNN just so you can see Anderson Cooper- one gimlet
• You’re watching this on MSNBS just so you can see Rachel Maddow/Keith Olbermann-one sidecar
• You’re not watching this and instead have decided to watch the Bravo marathon of Launch my Line-one bottle of sweet tea vodka

Are you lusting for an iPad?

Apple announced (and is still announcing as I type this) its iPad today in San Francisco.

We’re the first generation to have computers be a consistent part of our education and our lives. Our children won’t remember printers where you had to peel off the edges of the paper or Number Munchers on a Tandy. They also won’t know about making labels for your science fair project the night before with markers and construction paper.

If the iPad does what the iPhone did, everyone will be connected at all times to mobile computing. That’s both an amazing and scary notion. Is all this connectivity good for us?

Your Quarter Life Place

First. I have not been drinking bong water. Second I do have a big point to make in ten simple to read, snippets. So be patient and read on.

A little back story. Few years back I finally threw out the triple threat paper back book dictionary, thesaurus and quick fact finder set my grandmother thought I needed to go to college with. I am and always have been a Dictionary.com kind of dude. And a rampant term paper plagiarizer. But, that is beside the point.

So I turned to my little online diction friend to consider the word ‘Place.’ Did you know there are over fifty definitions for this simple concept? And here is a wing dinger. It’s origins as a word begins before 950 B.C. It starts with ancient Greek moves through Latin, to Old English, back over the Channel to France and finally ends up in our little cornucopia of modern American nomenclature as essentially, a time and a place. How can you define something with what it is? I know Prez Clinton got away with it, but come on!

Still, with the help of a few lunchable cocktails I was able to concoct a few ideas on this ‘place’ and how it fits into my little piece of earthly real estate. The dictionary types and those Greek dudes from 300 were correct; place is…where, when and how we are. And for our readers that place is the Quarter Life.

Where are you now? A tiny question and with easy reflection one might find humor in your present circumstances. In front of the laptop, on the elliptical, in therapy, on medication, in or out of love, on the job hunt, in a cube, on line, etc.

For others, after pounding a few the night before, during a focused hot yoga session with a speed dating session scheduled later that evening…one might ask great transcendental questions about what my place is in the scheme of the cosmos. But, for now I shall stick to some average places for all of us and maybe choice picks of advice to help out Mr. or Ms. Quarter Life? After exhaustive research I have the typical, run of mill, odds are answers:

The place you are at.

1. You are…in, quit or graduated from college.
Won’t matter much. Bachelor’s degree will get you a chicken nugget fry-o-lator tender job at Hardee’s and a Master’s diploma will put ya in place to move up to salting fries at White Castle. Hey, they both have health plans for part timers.

2. You are…up to now, on average, have had four sexual partners with the first one being at 16.
Seriously? 16? No kidding, this is what the Department of Health and Human Services website says. Damn. Where was I at with my provisional driver’s license at fifteen? But seriously, in the average twenty-aged relationship there is a 15% chance of it becoming a marriage. After which there is a 56% chance it will end in divorce. Have fun.

3. You are…21-29.999999 years of age.
Shut up and deal with it. You are…in a position to change your life today. Do so.

4. You are…online, celling or texting more time than you actually converse with actual human, flesh & bone people. As such, you have checked out Twitter and have no idea why anyone would care.
Congrats! This is a first step into a larger world. You are a twenty-something…something now and have a few notches under your belt. (Not referencing the above sex numbers) You have realized people are social creatures and there is just so much you can do electronically. Get off online and get out. All that computer LCD radiation causes early E.D., baseless Facebook relationship tumors and gave us Two Girls and a Cup. But, before you log off…blog about how you love our website and their charming writers. Ergo…me.

5. You are…on medications and just as worried that the King of Pop, aka Mr. Jackson’s death will make it harder for you to get your “meds.” Do not worry. They tried Prohibition and it tanked. Booze is still legal and you can get medicinal herbs for you glaucoma in Cali. But, you can say good-bye to refills on Ambien. There is still Red Bull. That is why they put Vodka in it.

6. You are…20 lbs overweight or definitely obsessed you might be or will be or have been.
See above the above dealing with it.

7. You are…48% likely female.
Okay, I got that figure from my 7th grade biology class. And I really have nothing in the ways of advice; just merely a statement of facts. Quarter Lifer ladies had the decade past liberating girl power of sex, cities and shop-o-holics to guide them. And despite bro-mance and man-scaping…1/4 Lifer boys changed very little. Just wanted to throw that out there. I guess it is another deal with it.

8. You are…lamenting or celebrating the US Electoral College.
Either way…hold on to the hand rail and please keep your heads and arms inside the bus at all times. It is going to be quite a roller coaster people! But if you are griping about the ride, the state of the world, DO something about it instead.

9. You are…still professing to be a Bob Marley fan.
Stay with me here. Quarter Lifer…college is over or should be. You never knew what Rastafarian love was all about…odds are your parents never did either. Thus your dorm poster was meaningless. But, I bet you are wondering why all these bullshit Millenials are wearing Marley or Che t-shirts and where do they get off doing so? Don’t be hypocritical. We had and still have Lenny Kravitz. That should be enough for all.

10. You are…aware of what kind of underwear you have on. For the .25 life dudes the options have not changed much. You got commando, banana hammock, whitie tighties or boxers. Not so much for the girls. When you were young ya pretty much got the four- pack Neapolitan colored cotton set. Now…oh the choices. Cheekies, boy shorts, thongs, briefs, garters, hip-huggers, thongs, stickies, V-strings, no lines…whew!
Like our undies, comes down to we have choices in life. Choices within the places we reside in our lives. Sometimes too many. Others not enough. Keep it simple quarter types…less stress, less mess no need for life Sham-Wow clean ups. Also for the ladies. If you would like to hit my blog and tell me more about your underwear selection…

…ouch…hey I am typing a serious article here…stop hitting me…give me back the key board…no I was not insinuating we start a 1-900 call center…put down the stapler!

We know you aren’t politically observant

As Quarterlifers, we tend to have other things on our minds. School, work, Jersey Shore… other things tend to take precedence over watching the news or reading the DailyKOS.

Well, quit it. We get to run this show some day, but not if we don’t pay attention. And, not if the recent Supreme Court ruling has anything to say about it. I’ll allow Keith Olbermann to scare the crap out of you:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

“Do you begin to see, then, what kind of world we are creating? It is the exact opposite of the stupid hedonistic Utopias that the old reformers imagined. A world of fear and treachery and torment, a world of trampling and being trampled upon, a world which will grow not less but more merciless as it refines itself. Progress in our world will be progress toward more pain.” -1984

Only Three More Days!

WORKSHOP! This Saturday for those Quarterlifers in the San Francisco Bay Area. Make sure to get registered now

This year, learn how to succeed with your resolutions. This workshop is a unique opportunity to learn about the major pitfalls and how to overcome them. You will learn strategies to give yourself the best chance for success.

This workshop will help you:
- Create well-crafted resolutions
- Make an action plan
- Form an accountability system
- Develop strategies for motivations
- Uncover blocks
- Succeed in attaining your goals

Saturday, January 23, 2010
1:00pm – 4:30pm
Embassy Suites
150 Anza Boulevard
Burlingame, CACost:

$40 per person
$35 (register by Jan 16)

Registration & Info:
(805) 624-5867
LifeCoachKirk@gmail.com

This workshop will be led by our newest Quarterlives crew memeber
Kirk Akahoshi
MA in Clinical Psychology
Certified Life Coach & Master NLP Practitioner

The Quarterlife Crisis: Part 2 with Kirk Akahoshi

Part 2 of our series with Kirk Akahoshi, Quarterlife Coach. Delve into why the Crisis happens, if it is curable, and the reception of this stage of life in the professional community. Music by Doug Macleod and John Caspi.

Did you fall off the wagon already??

Have you already stopped going to the gym, eaten white carbs, spent your savings, and generally broken your resolutions three weeks into the new year? Let’s try a restart!

This year, learn how to succeed with your resolutions. This workshop is a unique opportunity to learn about the major pitfalls and how to overcome them. You will learn strategies to give yourself the best chance for success.

This workshop will help you:
- Create well-crafted resolutions
- Make an action plan
- Form an accountability system
- Develop strategies for motivations
- Uncover blocks
- Succeed in attaining your goals

Saturday, January 23, 2010
1:00pm – 4:30pm
Embassy Suites
150 Anza Boulevard
Burlingame, CACost:

$40 per person
$35 (register by Jan 16)

Registration & Info:
(805) 624-5867
LifeCoachKirk@gmail.com

This workshop will be led by our newest Quarterlives crew memeber
Kirk Akahoshi
MA in Clinical Psychology
Certified Life Coach & Master NLP Practitioner

Math is Amazing

I don’t check FiveThirtyEight as often as I did during the election, but Nate Silver ALWAYS has something insightful to say, backed by cold hard numbers. In the wake of the “Gay marriage will make straight people get divorced” idocy, Silver has run those numbers. Turns Out that states that take a more liberal stance on gay marriage have seen a decline in divorce. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Marriage Inc.

Day one of the Prop 8 trial is over. Quarterlifers need to be paying attention. This is our civil rights movement and it’s important to be informed. Anarchist Girl Scout has a lengthly look at the banning of media coverage from the trial. My favorite moment “If you’re ever allowed to actually look into the face of the suffering individual, you’re already so desensitized that you can’t care.”

Prop 8 trial gets under way

Despite the Supreme Court banning TV cameras from the courtroom, the Internet(s) are trying to keep us updated. Check #prop8 on Twitter, the Trial Tracker here, and Firedog Lake’s live blog here. Watch for official QL comments as the trial progresses.

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