Peeps + Microwave = Awesome

Microwaving Peeps is the ultimate Easter experience. Any holiday that has marshmallow animals covered in sugar and stuck together in rows is for me. There are so many ways to put a Peep in the microwave and watch it explode. You can do one at a time, two at a time, a whole row, a row in the box (which explodes out of its container and when you’re done you have a carton of molten Peep). You can mix colors, you can mix animals, you can have wars between chicks and bunnies, and if you have enough foresight, you can save Peeps from Christmas and have battles between Easter and Christmas.

There is no greater joy than sticking those little buggers in the microwave, pressing “beverage” (there ought to be a “fun” button), and watching the candy eyes melt away while the little chick quadruples in size. It makes me think of Mr. Wizard’s experiment where he put a marshmallow in a vacuum and sucked out the air. There is something I love about forcing a thing to be what it’s not. That’s the essence of creativity- building something out of a mass of nothing, bending the elements to your will in order to create something new.

I don’t have many traditions in my life, but the few that I do have are very dear to me. Throughout a Quarterlife Crisis, it is important to keep these traditions alive.

This is what you wanted to do with your life

The internet is awesome. It brings us the best of what people can do. Synn Labs has just upped the ante.

Admit it- this is where you pictured yourself working. You want to make full scale laser drinking games and get paid to play with Non-Newtonian fluids (rather than just mixing up some cornstarch and water in your kitchen).

Now, they’ve taken the most sacred invention of nerd and geek-kind alike and set it to music. OK Go asked Synn to help them create a Rube Goldberg machine for their new video “This Too Shall Pass.”

You know you remember the awesome treadmill video that you showed to all your friends. Well here is the next one to pass on. I’m pretty sure that’s really what they meant by “This Too Shall Pass.”

Avatar- a rebuttal

I finally got around to seeing Avatar. I had four hours to kill and found a theater that wasn’t charging $18 bucks, so I figured I’d get it taken care of. I went begrudgingly- much in the same way I went to the Matrix 2 and 3.

I don’t regret going, but if Avatar wins best picture I’ll eat my hat. I only have one hat, and it’s really nice. Felted and everything.

I get it, I really do. Fantastic feat of digital movie making and incredible advances in zzzz… But where is the story? I’ve seen Dances with Wolves. It’s fantastic. I’ve seen Ferngully, Pocahontas, and Final Fantasy. I’ve seen Last of the Mohicans, which happens to be the best movie ever. White man comes in, mission is destruction, white man learns the way of the indigenous peoples, changes mind, fights for what is right, becomes one of said tribe.

I knew it was bad when I could recognize the voice of Wes Studi as the Chief instantly. Wes Studi is perhaps the most prominent Native American actor ever. His IMDB page is peppered with characters like Black Coyote, Cherokee Jack, Richard Two Rivers, Sheriff Mike Nighthorse, Black Kettle, Frank Lightfoot, Indian in the Desert (from the Doors), and the biggie- Geronimo. I have had a love affair with Wes Studi since Dances with Wolves (where he played “Toughest Pawnee”) but having him in a movie gives an obvious and definiate connotation of white man vs native.

Even with Mr. Native American, It just wasn’t that good. Predictable every step of the way, and not in a fun Shutter Island kind of way. I’m glad I saw it in the theater, in 3D because, yes, the visuals are amazing and won’t translate to a tiny plasma tv screen. But more so I’m glad I saw it so that I can say with complete confidence that it’s nothing to be so enamored with.

And can poor Sigourney Weaver ever get a break in space?

Dear Nancy Elliott

Today, New Hampshire Representative Nancy Elliott tried to make a case for repealing same sex marriage in her state because it teaches fifth graders about anal sex.

I’ll let you read that sentence again before I continue. Don’t believe me? That’s why I love the internet age- there’s video!:

So I have some things to say to Rep. Elliott.

Dear Ms. Elliott,
I know that the gays scare you. I know that they have sex that is unfamiliar to you and that you’re concerned that this scary sex is going to make it into the minds of the youth of America- eventually turning them gay. Please, Ms. Elliott, calm the fuck down.

When you go home to your husband tonight, with whom you’ve shared a deep and committed relationship, consider how your boring vanilla heterosexual sex is ruining the youth of America. Nancy- missionary isn’t the only way to do it? Have you ever let him be on top? And no, Nancy, you don’t have to be the only one on the receiving end of anal sex. Let me direct you to Bend Over Boyfriend where you too can learn to be a top. You obviously like throwing your weight around, maybe you’ll like being in charge in the bedroom.

And really Ms. Elliott- 5th graders? I know that sex ed hasn’t changed that much since I was in middle school. I remember being in fifth grade and learning about tampons and body hair. When we finally got to the sex part- in tenth grade- it was all abstinence all the time. I guarantee that NO educator in your state is suggesting that fifth graders should try anal sex. I guarantee that no educator in your state is suggesting that fifth graders try the boring missionary sex that you seem to readily enjoy with your legally wed husband. If they are, I promise to never again enjoy the insertion of a penis in my rectum.

You’ve lost your effing mind Ms. Elliott. I suggest you take a moment and get your shit together. You’re going to need it when you’re booted out on your ass come reelection time. You are not the future and you are just plain wrong. Marriage is not just sex. Gays and lesbians are not just sex. Heterosexuals are not just sex. Your state took an amazing step forward in giving the people of this nation the right to share their love with one another on an equal playing field.

Do you really want to be the one to take those rights away?

What the Buzz?

Google is trying to put their user friendly little fingers into more of our lives. The just launched Buzz, a social networking tool that is meant to rival Facebook status updates and Tweets.

The real question is, Google, do we really need what you’re sellin’?

What I’d like is a version of Chrome for Mac that allows me to edit my bookmarks. Or the ability to control my contacts better so that everyone I email on Craigslist about a free coffee table doesn’t get added to my contacts, and subsequently my phone. Or a real reason to use Wave and Reader.

Generations after us won’t remember life without status updates. They won’t know about waiting for your mom to pick you up at the mall and not being able to call her to find out where she is. The question isn’t should we- I’m not sure there is a way to stop it anyway. The question now is why? What is the best format for social networking so that it makes our lives better, rather than just more wasteful and intrusive.

Or maybe we can get Buzz hooked up with Rambler, the shoes that tweet your every step, so we can kill two birds with one buzztweet.

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