Top 10 Proposals for New Olympic Sports
August 17, 2008
10. Manscaping. It will be a few years until the Eastern European teams can really compete on our level.
9. Red Rover. Red Rover, Red Rover let the Chinese come over.
8. Drinking game pentathalon: Strip poker, quarters, beer pong, asshole, flip cups. The Irish have won every year.
7. Extreme Tubing - not to be confused with ‘extreme tubbing’, where guys in bath tubs race down a steep-ass mountain. [Read more]
Top Ten Worst Ideas for a Date
August 13, 2008
10. Bringing your MacBook Pro for the “slow” moments.
9. Taking a vegan to the Brazilian steak house.
8. Taking someone to a lecture on the proliferation of HPV in a modern twenty-something culture.
7. A workout out at the Gym. Sweat can be produced in much better ways.
6. Taking a current date to an ex’s favorite haunt. AAAAaaaawk-ward. [Read more]
Top Ten Things You Tell Your Friend But Not Your Mom
August 6, 2008
10. “Only a loser would have married my dad.”
9. “I don’t think I’m really using my college degree.”
8. “That burning sensation has really gone down.”
7. “I don’t believe in God/Jesus/Buddha/Allah/Santa Claus.”
6. “Maybe I should look into stripping as a second job to support my Wii habit.” [Read more]
Top Ten 80’s Toys
July 27, 2008
10. Transformers: Where is the killer remake of the My Little Ponies movie?
9. Cabbage Patch Dolls, Strawberry Shortcake, and California Raisins: Confusing the lines between things you take care of and things you eat.
8. My Buddy: It wasn’t a coincidence that the kids who had this toy had no other friends…
7. Legos: Its hard to finish the Medieval castle without all the pieces your dog ate. [Read more]
Top 10 Signs You Aren’t Health Conscious Enough
July 21, 2008
10. You’re healthy! You eat only organic products. They just happen to be organic white cheddar Cheetoes, organic chocolate, and organic macaroni and cheese.
9. Just watching those people on Sweatin’ to the Oldies makes you tired.
8. Tobacco is all-natural, right?
7. You think pilates are Italian cookies. [Read more]
Top 10 Signs You’re Too Health Conscious
July 13, 2008
10. You spend much of your time at work trying to find organic air on the internet.
9. The Wii Fit actually applauded when you stepped on the balance board.
8. Last nights dinner consisted of locally grown organic field greens, grain fed beef, hydroponically grown tomatoes, and a sampling of dark chocolate and red wine - for the antioxidants.
7. You brush your teeth with flax oil. [Read more]
Top 10 Signs You’re Too Addicted to the Internet
July 6, 2008
10. You’ve started to look like your favorite emoticon.
9. You’ve memorized your credit card number, expiration date, and that three digit number on the back.
8. OMG u st8rted spkng n L33T.
7. You camped outside Al Gore’s house for three weeks just to thank him for his invention. [Read more]
Top Ten Signs That You’re Consuming Too Much Caffeine
June 29, 2008
10. When the new guy from accounting announces the coffee machine is broken, you threaten to slow-roast his ass, Folgers style!
9. You’ve stopped mixing Red Bull with Vodka and replaced it with Jolt Cola.
8. You are asked to leave a Starbuck’s after you show up with an IV and try to hook the cappuccino machine into your vein (innocu-latte anyone?).
7. You’re having the ‘jitters’ but they feel more like the ‘jitt-itt-itt-itt-itters-itt-itt-itters-ers- [Read more]
Top Ten Ways to Save Money on a Date
June 22, 2008
10. Two words: Jack in the Box
9. Mention to your date before dinner that you’re an equal rights advocate, making it easier to suggest that you split the check.
8. Dinner and a movie = Hot Pocket 4 Cheeser and a VHS bootleg copy of a Styx concert.
7. A walk in the park - $0, meeting the folks at a family BBQ - $0, falling asleep under the stars - $0; The Perfect Date = Priceless. No seriously, PRICELESS. [Read more]
Top Ten Questions To Ask A Potential Roomate
June 15, 2008
10. What’s your take on “after hours” nudity?
9. When you tell your friends and other guests, “Mi casa es su casa,” do you mean it literally or figuratively?
8. Every Thursday night I have a Lord of the Rings Anonymous meeting. Would you be interested in joining…my precious? [Read more]
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