A life abroad- Costa Rica

One of our writers, Alli Whalen, is teaching English in Costa Rica for a few months. Check back in for her updates on living a quarterlife abroad.

I’m sitting on a very comfortable couch with white, overstuffed cushions while eating slices of slippery, fresh mango. The lighting is fairly dim in the early evening, and the jazz music that plays in the background gives the room a very luxurious, classy feel. I am the only one here at the moment, and I am relishing my solitude with the music. It’s more than that though; a gecko ran up the bathroom wall earlier, and there is a bowl on the coffee table filled with local coral and sea shells. The words written on the bowl say it all: Costa Rica, which is where I find myself. What the heck?

Late last night, myself and my partner in all that is quarter-life landed in Liberia, a city that lies within the Guanacaste province of Costa Rica. After a very long day of terminal-jumping, altitude headaches and learning that one should always, always, always pack food to eat on the airplane in case they don’t give you anything, we were feeling pretty worn out. As the plane landed in our final destination, I was relieved but wearily awaiting the ordeal of customs lineups, security checks and lost luggage. How could Continental NOT have lost our luggage after three flights?

I’m glad to say I was wrong. As soon as we climbed down the stairs to the tarmac, the beautiful humidity of a balmy, summery night washed over me. I was delighted to have forgotten about open-air airports – no stuffy, recycled oxygen! And even more to celebrate: we breezed through customs and immigration within ten minutes. Not even the disturbing sight of my shadow – revealing a silhouette of humidity- frizzed hair that resembled a drowned clown wig – could get me down. I still had my doubts about the luggage, but lo and behold, it was calmly awaiting us, all three pieces sitting next to one another. Sheepishly, I grabbed my suitcase and hopped in the car that took us to our new home for the next two and a half months.

You may have guessed at what I’m doing here, which is volunteer-teaching the English language to the local communities in the city of Comunidad (an easy name to remember). Having taken an ESL teaching training course with United TESOL in Ottawa, I had finally made the first move in a process many a twenty-something has considered or experienced: teaching overseas.

A few years have gone by since my first Quarterlives article about the “McJob” – a basic job one is generally overqualified for and does not inspire one’s passion. Well, after recent months of not finding any job, “Mc” or otherwise, I got a little restless. Like so many others, I had toyed with the idea of teaching overseas, educating others and opening my mind to all sorts of new experiences and adventures. It takes guts, though, to hop on a plane and fly many cramped hours through the earth’s atmosphere to land in a place where nobody knows your name, let alone speaks your language. I’ve always wanted to travel more but have been wary of going it alone, far away from my loved ones, comfortable routines and, you know, hot showers and Pavarazzi pizza delivery. But I found myself at a point in my life where the idea of escaping the grey, bone-chilling winter with someone who makes overseas travel not so scary sounded pretty ideal.

A good a time as ever, right? I went through with it: the ultimate, quarterlifer fall-back plan has become my reality.
This brings us full-circle to my fruit-sticky hands mucking up the keyboard of my laptop and reggae Radiohead covers making me feel at home in a new place. For someone who was afraid to travel, I’m finding that I can’t wipe the smile off of my face, and that I’m curiously awaiting my first week of ESL teaching, starting next Monday. Change isn’t always easy, and I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing when I decided to go, but I’m counting all of the lucky pennies I ever picked up and feeling extremely grateful to be here. Wading into the ocean waters off of the Papagayo Peninsula and drinking a chocolate-banana smoothie to cool the intense heat beaming down on Comunidad, I felt a pretty fantastic realization happening: the world is large, and rather than feeling lost in it, I’ve found a surprisingly comfortable place in the role of traveler. So, balls to the wall! Onward and upward! Maybe I’ll change my tune next week when I’m trying to teach verb tense to a bunch of overheated 15-year olds, but for now I think the hardest part is over, and if I can do it, so can you. It’s better than sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Try it if you may find yourself in those old shoes of mine. If nothing else, come on down and pay me a visit; I’ll buy you a mango.
Until next week, pura vida!

Career Therapy: Getting professional help when the going gets tough

Intro: Deciding to get therapy

Have you ever considered getting professional help for your quarterlife crisis and general career confusion?  Maybe my personal experience will be helpful to you.  Recently, something at work triggered my search for a therapist who specializes in career counseling.  Partially for the sake of exploration for this blog, and partially because I really think it will be  helpful, I’ve started this “column” to document my experience with the counselor anonymously.

The other day, an event occurred at work that made me loathe my work environment more than usual.  It wasn’t so far from the usual things I deal with, but it was just a bad day that made me reevaluate my purpose at work and where I wanted to go with my career.  Typical stuff.  Granted, I’ve been going through the quarterlife crisis for months now.  In general, I’ve dealt with it quite well because of the resources at my disposal, including this blog, as well as a strong support network.  In any case, for reasons beyond disliking my job, I decided it was time to take real action.

Here’s how I got started.

A very close friend studies psychology and is a practicing therapist.  This friend suggested awhile ago, long before I seriously considered it, to reach out to a professional therapist for career help.  I didn’t take the advice too seriously at first because I thought therapy would be expensive.  When I reconsidered recently, the friend provided references.

I reached out to the therapist that was most highly recommended.  The therapist has a Psy.D. and has practiced for years, with one of her specializations in career guidance.  Again, I was worried about cost.  But here comes the big surprise.  It was news to me that therapy is covered by many health insurance plans.  In fact, after calling mine, it turns out that each session would cost me just $30.  Out-of-pocket, the sessions would have been $150+.  I don’t think I have to point out the obvious irony, but I will: My company’s healthcare plan is helping me figure out my next career steps.  It makes a lot of sense for companies to provide therapeutic support for their employees.  If this works out, it would theoretically make me a more productive worker.  Happily, I booked my first session with Dr. R, who was accommodating enough to schedule me for the next day.

Here’s a few suggestions on how you can get started.

If you’ve done career exploration on your own already, and you feel like you need someone else — a coach, therapist or counselor — to help you sort through all of it, I would encourage giving counseling a try.  Start by looking for a general therapist who specializes in career guidance and life transitions, or look for a specialized office dedicated to career counseling or coaching.  They should be able to provide references or statements from their past clients that will give you a better idea of their background and experience.  If you do not have a friend who can give you personal recommendations as in my case, definitely do your homework.  Compare your options carefully.

Next, if you are on a budget, check to see if your insurance covers it and what the co-pay is.  The therapist should be able to give you a general idea, but only your insurance company can give you a definite answer. Then, book your appointment and give your new counselor a try.  There is no promising that the relationship will work out, so make sure you are comfortable.  My therapist offered the option of a complimentary consultation session the first time.  See if this is the case in your situation.  Once you try it out and find the him/her to be a good fit, then decide whether or not you want this to be an ongoing relationship.

Lastly, I want to point out that going to a counselor/coach/therapist doesn’t mean your personal exploration ends.  Professional help is only a guiding force, and I realize the powers of change are within me and within me alone.

If you decide to give this a try, good luck!

Stay tuned…my next post will focus on the experience of my first session.

Job Searching Sucks….But It Doesn’t Have To!

The joy of unemployment is that you have an incredibly wide open schedule in which to accomplish goals. The terror of unemployment is that you have an incredibly wide open schedule in which to push your goals to the side, lay around in your pajamas, eat macaroni and cheese, and watch tv. Battling this issue isn’t a matter of willpower- its a matter of strategy.

When you were in school or working, you had a regular schedule, or at least a group of tasks that needed completed by certain points. Job searching is no different, just more abstract. So first things first. Take some time out and write a schedule- an incredibly detailed schedule. The hardest thing to do when you’re unemployed is to get out of bed and think to yourself “now what?”. Having a schedule gives you something to fall back on. If done well, you never have to worry about what’s next on your plate.

Here is a typical day (Friday, to be exact) from my ‘funemployment’ schedule:

7- wake up, check internet
7:30- eat breakfast
8- work out, shower
9- review job files
10- follow up with jobs
11- read job related book
12- lunch
1- search for new jobs, apply or add to file
4- recap week, plan next week
6- Friday!

I don’t adhere to it strictly (I did sleep in til 8:30 today) but it gives me a guideline on what to accomplish. Many of my days have empty blocks. That enables me to move things around or schedule interviews as they arise. Reevaluating your schedule occasionally is important. If you find you can’t do three hours of job searching, break it up with working out. Maybe waking up early doesn’t do it for you and you decide to work later. That’s fine! Keep checking in with yourself to see what you need in order to find a job and stay sane.

It’s also important to schedule life things and fun things. Now is the perfect time to get some of those things done that you couldn’t while you were working. Get your teeth cleaned, get an oil change, go to the thrift store that is only open on Thursdays from 1-3. Take advantage of your flexible schedule while you can. I also make sure to schedule time to watch my favorite show, update the website, or volunteer. By having those fun things in place, the work looks less daunting and the fun things become rewarding.

I didn’t schedule it, but in that 8-9 block of working out and showering is getting dressed. Just like the schedule, getting dressed is important. If you find yourself with a scheduled day where you’re just going to be working on the internet and getting your resume in order, you still need to put on real clothes. Laying around in your sweats is wonderful- but reserve it for a weekend. It keeps your mind alert to the fact that you’re actually accomplishing things. It also makes the transition back to working easier if you’ve maintained the morning rituals. I don’t wear a suit to work on the internet. Most days are jeans and a sweater, but I am far more prepared when I don’t just roll over in bed, grab the laptop, and start the day (I must confess, I often work in my sock monkey slippers).

For those days when you’re stuck at home, plan an outing. Once you’ve accomplished what you needed to do, get out. Go to the grocery store, the library, walk your dogs, walk yourself, get some ice cream, see a movie- just get out. Nothing starts the downward spiral of depression more than going to bed realizing that you never saw the sun and you haven’t breathed fresh air since last week. Looking for a job is a job, and you have to treat it as such. Everyone takes breaks from work, otherwise we’d all go mad. Make sure you’re taking those breaks and visiting civilization.

And speaking of civilization, go volunteer. This is so good for you while you’re unemployed for a myriad of reasons. First, volunteering gives you a sense of accomplishment. If you didn’t get a call all week and got nothing but rejections, knowing that your favorite non-profit was happy to see you and couldn’t have gotten that mailing out or cleaned their storage space or built that house without you lessens the blow. You can also volunteer for a company in your area of interest. See if that design firm wants an extra hand on Wednesdays or if that boutique could use some free web design. You never know when a volunteering gig could turn into a full-time gig, especially if you’re showcasing your skills. Volunteering also helps you meet people. You could gain new friends or even new employers through your temporary volunteering experience. Finally, if you’re truly unemployed, volunteering gives you a current reference and fills in that gap in your resume. While it won’t necessarily disguise that you’re unemployed, it will let future employers know that you weren’t just sitting on your butt eating Cheetos all day. Unless, of course, you swung a volunteer gig with Cheetos.

See that hour of “read a job related book”? That one is a saving grace because it keeps you fresh on your skills. If it takes you six or ten months to find a job, some of the things you were good at are going to take some time to get back. If you stay current with your industry you can hit the ground running when an employer finally says ‘yes’. It also breaks up reading straight from a computer for eight hours a day and gives you a break that is still productive. I make sure to get in a comfortable chair with some tea and make it an experience.

But don’t stay in that comfy chair too long. Choice of workspace can make a huge difference. If you’re able to work laying in your bed under the covers, then congrats. However, much like showering and changing clothes, sitting at a real table or desk to participate in your job search changes your mental approach. Some days you have to get out of the house and work somewhere else or go stir crazy. Try the library before the coffee shop. Scones and lattes are awesome, but are far better as a reward motivator if they aren’t sitting next to you while you work. 

If you fall off the funemployment bandwagon and spend a day in bed reading trash novels or obsessively watching Lost (all of which are instant watch on Netflix *cough*), don’t let it wear on you. One day lost to the unemployment gods isn’t the end of the world. That being said, if you start to schedule a three hour block of “America’s Next Top Model” marathons instead of resume or skill building, you may need to reevaluate your schedule.

Dreams from Twelfth Grade: Lessons from a letter I wrote to myself in high school

During senior year of high school, my environmental science teacher asked all of us, his students, to write a letter to our future selves. He promised that when five years passed, he would mail our own letters to us.

Well, Mr. B lived up to his word. Last year, I received the letter I had written to myself five years prior on May 29, 2003. I had composed it on the second-to-last day of my high school career, only a few days shy of prom (which we will not get into now, at least not in this entry). Aside from the curious fact that my handwriting then was so much neater than it is today, the most shocking thing was that everything I predicted for my “future” career came true.

As I stated in my letter verbatim, I became an Economics and Communications double major in college. I went into the advertising/marketing industry as I prophesied. Although I didn’t state it in my letter, I now even work at the exact company I wished to in high school. If I didn’t know better, I would think I had everything I ever hoped for. Big surprise – although I got what I wanted, things did not pan out the way I anticipated. I appreciate everything I’ve learned in the past few years on the job, but the truth is: the career my twelfth grade self dreamed of is no longer my present day dream. The scariest part? I’m not sure what my dreams are anymore. I’m not even sure I’m capable of dreaming properly. Dreams are without limits or bounds; they are infinite and daring. I’m not sure that’s how my mind works anymore. I think I’ve been adult-ified.

Curiously, my past self has this great advice: “I hope I find more things to be passionate about, and to only work toward passions. If this is not the feeling upon reading this letter…then something has to change…I just want happiness…Keep dreaming.”

So, exactly what secret did I know then that I clearly no longer can crack? What part of “I just want happiness” do I no longer understand? I guess what’s difficult for all of us is finding a path that leads to career satisfaction and still leaves enough time for personal happiness. With this economy, it isn’t so easy to chase passions when people are just happy to get paid. What right do I have to complain when unemployment is brimming near 10% ? It was easy to dream when the future was far away and ambiguous. In reality, we all struggle between money vs. passion. Only a lucky few amongst us are able to attain both, even though our entire generation is programmed to expect both.

In the end, I do believe I can figure this out. I have no doubt I can get where I want to go (apparently, as long as I write a letter to myself about it and then find someone to mail it to me in the future). It may not always be as expected, but I have to be willing to try and stay open-minded. The hard part is finding a sustainable passion that translates into a real occupation, or a job that will allow enough time to pursue other things. Ultimately, maybe it comes down to finding the courage to dream again.

The Job Security Myth

I was raised in a Southern, blue-collar family. “Git r’ done, boy!” and “Does a bear shit in the woods?” were some of the typical phrases heard on a daily basis. I received a rifle for my 10th birthday. Like Bubba in Forrest Gump listing every shrimp dish, my Dad has a different boat for every type of boating activity you could possibly imagine: a flats boat, a deep sea boat, a bass boat, a ski boat, a john boat, a paddle boat, a canoe, a jet ski, etc. And now they’re contemplating the purchase of a pontoon boat.

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What Do You Do?

How do you answer the question “What do you do?” It’s a decidedly quarterlife question. Until your mid-20s, most people go on the assumption that you are a student (an annoying assumption for those of us who didn’t take the collegiate route), and thus the question need not be asked. But during your post-graduate age, whenever you go out to parties, or bars, or leave your apartment at all, the question inevitably gets asked, “What do you do?”

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McJob

Written By: Allison Whalen

What came first, the job or the crisis? With the exception of the very rich, the particularly lucky, or those Bobby Fisher brainiac anomalies, most of us quarter-lifers don’t have much to brag about in the way of job experience. We’ve all done our fair share of empty-headed labour, whether selling over-priced, ill-fitting, cotton garments, dunking frozen potatoes into a grease-spattering tub, or answering a front-desk phone in a peppy, little voice that secretly wants to stab every caller with a sharp pencil. These types of work (and so many more) can be neatly categorized as “McJobs”, a term coined by the godfather of the quarter-life crisis, author Douglas Coupland. In Generation X, his sizzlin’, pink novel that swept multiple nations in the early nineties, Coupland describes the “McJob” as a “…low-pay, low-prestige, low-dignity, low-benefit, no-future job in the service sector. Frequently considered a satisfying career choice by people who have never held one.” Sound familiar?

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Where’s My Coin?

Christ, I hate internships.

Well, maybe I’m being a bit dramatic. I hate UNPAID, POST-GRADUATE internships. The very idea of them reeks of exploitation: companies feed off this reliable workforce because it’s full of desperate, eager, smart, hard-working people who’s only incentive is to move on to bigger and better things.

But before they can move on to the next life, these poor souls must deal with the purgatory that is the internship, the ever present go-between created for people who don’t have nepotism as an option to go up the ladder.

It’s not that I believe internships aren’t essential. For someone who needs to become familiar with the working world, internships allow young upstarts the opportunity to prove their worth to the powers-that-be, the gatekeepers, the bastards who can hire and fire your ass by whim. This holds doubly true for the film industry, a universe which thrives on time and money like no other; commodities which, of course, are always in very short supply. Assuming you were a businessman/manager who (presumably) worked hard to achieve their current level of status, would you want to bestow responsibility to some naïve, wet-behind-the-ears schmuck coming in from the street with little to no experience? Hell, no. [Read more]

The Enjoyment of Unemployment

Slacker, underachiever, no-good, detriment to society, straight up loser; how could someone with any sense of value take pride in unemployment?…well I’ll tell you how.

I’m a twenty-five year old college graduate with a degree in Film and Television. Two years ago I walked across the Graduation stage and took a hold of that prestigious piece of paper. It was my greatest achievement to date (step aside ’93 Little League all-star appearance), and filled me with a sense of satisfaction and success. To be honest it made me a little giddy. I was light on my feet as I walked across the stage. It felt like a pair of hands lifted me across, guided me, and reassured me with their guidance that everything was going to be ok. It was an incredible feeling and one that I’ll never forget.

In six months time those same hands were back but with a little different feeling this time. Instead of lifting me across the stage they were slamming me…in the gut…over…and over…and over…and over. Yes, my bright and shining future had a $100,000 black cloud of debt looming overhead and there was/is nothing to do but take the punches and deal with it. [Read more]

Office Romance Mantra

I can see why office romances are so common.

I understand their allure. It’s a social situation that isn’t diluted by booze, muted lighting, or ear-splitting music. The very nature of the office allows you plenty of reasonable excuses to chat and socialize. And then there’s the lunch break, which gives you an opportunity to get the know that special someone without the heightened stress and expectations normally associated with a regular date.

Face it: work is another venue for meeting new people. So much of our day is spent at work, and so it’s natural that someone at your job will eventually catch your eye. And for a person like myself, who doesn’t do the bar and club scene, work provides a rather convenient outlet, which is what makes the very idea of an office romance all the more seductive. Tempted as I am, I don’t bite the fruit. Never have. Never will. Why? [Read more]

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