Dear Nancy Elliott
By Staff · February 13, 2010
Today, New Hampshire Representative Nancy Elliott tried to make a case for repealing same sex marriage in her state because it teaches fifth graders about anal sex.
I’ll let you read that sentence again before I continue. Don’t believe me? That’s why I love the internet age- there’s video!:
So I have some things to say to Rep. Elliott.
Dear Ms. Elliott,
I know that the gays scare you. I know that they have sex that is unfamiliar to you and that you’re concerned that this scary sex is going to make it into the minds of the youth of America- eventually turning them gay. Please, Ms. Elliott, calm the fuck down.
When you go home to your husband tonight, with whom you’ve shared a deep and committed relationship, consider how your boring vanilla heterosexual sex is ruining the youth of America. Nancy- missionary isn’t the only way to do it? Have you ever let him be on top? And no, Nancy, you don’t have to be the only one on the receiving end of anal sex. Let me direct you to Bend Over Boyfriend where you too can learn to be a top. You obviously like throwing your weight around, maybe you’ll like being in charge in the bedroom.
And really Ms. Elliott- 5th graders? I know that sex ed hasn’t changed that much since I was in middle school. I remember being in fifth grade and learning about tampons and body hair. When we finally got to the sex part- in tenth grade- it was all abstinence all the time. I guarantee that NO educator in your state is suggesting that fifth graders should try anal sex. I guarantee that no educator in your state is suggesting that fifth graders try the boring missionary sex that you seem to readily enjoy with your legally wed husband. If they are, I promise to never again enjoy the insertion of a penis in my rectum.
You’ve lost your effing mind Ms. Elliott. I suggest you take a moment and get your shit together. You’re going to need it when you’re booted out on your ass come reelection time. You are not the future and you are just plain wrong. Marriage is not just sex. Gays and lesbians are not just sex. Heterosexuals are not just sex. Your state took an amazing step forward in giving the people of this nation the right to share their love with one another on an equal playing field.
Do you really want to be the one to take those rights away?
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Via Dan Savage:
“For the record: if you’re wriggling it around in excrement, you’re doing it wrong. You don’t have anal sex when your ass is full of shit for the same reasons you don’t have oral sex when your mouth is full of food. And, for the billionth time, straight people have anal sex too. There are more straight buttfuckers out there than gay buttfuckers—in real numbers—which means penises wriggle into rectums in heterosexual marriages too. Sheesh.”
Sheesh indeed.