Dreams from Twelfth Grade: Lessons from a letter I wrote to myself in high school

During senior year of high school, my environmental science teacher asked all of us, his students, to write a letter to our future selves. He promised that when five years passed, he would mail our own letters to us.

Well, Mr. B lived up to his word. Last year, I received the letter I had written to myself five years prior on May 29, 2003. I had composed it on the second-to-last day of my high school career, only a few days shy of prom (which we will not get into now, at least not in this entry). Aside from the curious fact that my handwriting then was so much neater than it is today, the most shocking thing was that everything I predicted for my “future” career came true.

As I stated in my letter verbatim, I became an Economics and Communications double major in college. I went into the advertising/marketing industry as I prophesied. Although I didn’t state it in my letter, I now even work at the exact company I wished to in high school. If I didn’t know better, I would think I had everything I ever hoped for. Big surprise – although I got what I wanted, things did not pan out the way I anticipated. I appreciate everything I’ve learned in the past few years on the job, but the truth is: the career my twelfth grade self dreamed of is no longer my present day dream. The scariest part? I’m not sure what my dreams are anymore. I’m not even sure I’m capable of dreaming properly. Dreams are without limits or bounds; they are infinite and daring. I’m not sure that’s how my mind works anymore. I think I’ve been adult-ified.

Curiously, my past self has this great advice: “I hope I find more things to be passionate about, and to only work toward passions. If this is not the feeling upon reading this letter…then something has to change…I just want happiness…Keep dreaming.”

So, exactly what secret did I know then that I clearly no longer can crack? What part of “I just want happiness” do I no longer understand? I guess what’s difficult for all of us is finding a path that leads to career satisfaction and still leaves enough time for personal happiness. With this economy, it isn’t so easy to chase passions when people are just happy to get paid. What right do I have to complain when unemployment is brimming near 10% ? It was easy to dream when the future was far away and ambiguous. In reality, we all struggle between money vs. passion. Only a lucky few amongst us are able to attain both, even though our entire generation is programmed to expect both.

In the end, I do believe I can figure this out. I have no doubt I can get where I want to go (apparently, as long as I write a letter to myself about it and then find someone to mail it to me in the future). It may not always be as expected, but I have to be willing to try and stay open-minded. The hard part is finding a sustainable passion that translates into a real occupation, or a job that will allow enough time to pursue other things. Ultimately, maybe it comes down to finding the courage to dream again.