Is The Bro Still Alive?
By Frank Bologna · February 20, 2008
I truly value my college years, especially during my undergrad in Orlando. My time at the University of Central Florida was one of the most enlightening experiences in my life. Within those four years, I became fully aware of how much I didn’t know about anything, let alone what I THOUGHT I knew about my passions, film and literature. I was so eager to soak in all the knowledge my ripe brain could absorb. I remember vividly driving to school and being excited about going to class; I actually LOOKED FORWARD to school, a sensation I never possessed before. Every semester I made sure that I had one or two film theory classes, a lit class, a writing class, and a philosophy class to keep me invigorated.
On top of going to class full time every semester (including summer: I was, after all, double majoring), I worked part-time as a manager at a video store (an awful chain that rhymes with “Lackluster”). With that kind of heavy workload, I was very particular about how I spent my free time when I wasn’t at school, at work, or doing homework.
My extracurricular activities consisted of: playing trivial pursuit; partaking in Mario Kart tournaments; going to a comedy show, by myself; seeing movies, by myself; attending the theater, by myself; eating occasionally at a four star restaurant, yes, by myself.
And not once did I feel the need to join a fraternity.
That was an aspect of college I never really experienced: fraternities. “Rush week” was never a term written hastily on my calendar. I knew classmates who were part of fraternities (and sororities) and swore up and down by them. They would wax on about the sense of community and love they felt for their fellow brethren (and sisthren), how it was a fantastic outlet for socializing and networking. On a few occasions, I was invited to come by the houses and look into joining, and I would always decline.
Why did I decline? Because fraternities are full of bros, and I can’t stand bros.
That’s right. Those beer guzzlin’, bitch slappin’, sports lovin,’ deep-thought hatin’ cretins flock to fraternities like flies to shit. I have no tolerance for this preening, raunchy, classless bunch of Neanderthals, and I was always lucky enough to take classes which kept me from ever having to cross their paths.
I hate bros like fat people hate diets. Like the English hate the French. Like Old School Trekkies hate Deep Space Nine. Like attractive women hate other attractive women.
So suffice it to say that anytime I got accosted to join a fraternity, I shuddered with contempt. I did my best to hide my contempt from my inviters lest I came across as rude, and it took quite a concerted effort. I made a concerted effort because I knew these guys meant well by inviting me, especially when it was to a fraternity that was highly selective. And the interesting thing to me was that these guys who would invite me weren’t real “bros”, so when the occasion of such an invitation would arrive, I was always taken back by surprise – I would never peg these people as being part of a fraternity. Even after I declined the invitation, I didn’t judge them or immediately stopped associating with them afterwards. I try not to be that kind of guy. There was, however, a slight change in attitude within them towards me after I declined their invitation.
And so I never became part of the “frat” scene. Never even went to a party.
Sometimes I’ll come across all these films and television shows on T.V. depicting the frat experience as some sort of “rite of passage,” and I can only shake my head in confusion. What is it about this lifestyle that is so alluring? Why would any rational human being put themselves through the humiliation and dehumanization that is “hazing?” Before I’d get myself worked up, I’d then come across other movies and television shows that seem to value (and empathize with) the plight of the geek.
I smile at the success of particular movies such as 40 Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Superbad. It’s very encouraging that these types of stories from the geek perspective are becoming more and more accepted by the mainstream.
And what about those frat comedies? Well, it looks like they get regulated to straight-to-video hell, because I hardly see them anymore. When was the last big frat comedy to make HUGE money? And what happened to Adam Sandler? Bros used to LOVE him, but now it seems Sandler’s movies haven’t enjoyed as much success as they did previously; it could be due to Sandler’s alter egos being less and less bro-like with every film (a choice I hope is conscious on the part of Sandler).
Can it be the bro is no mo’?
Can it be, perhaps, that geeks are the new bros? I mean, why is it that geeks get such a bad wrap? I find geeks WAY more interesting than bros and jocks. They partake in complex board games, play video games (even bros and jocks do that), are technologically savvy, and know a bunch of random, interesting shit. If geeks are into sports, they aren’t obnoxious about it, and if they are obnoxious about it, well, you can control a bunch of geeks much easier than a bunch of drunken bros. Geeks are also usually very down-to-earth, modest, and extremely sincere. I can’t say I ever meet a geek that I wanted to punch dead in the face upon meeting them. Bros, on the other hand…let’s just say there have been instances where I’d have no compunction about taking a Louisville slugger to one of those strutting, babbling bags of insipidness. And this is coming from a man who believes in non-violence.
If Gandhi were still alive today and had the displeasure of meeting a bro, I’m sure even he’d try to strangle the bastard with those thin, fragile hands of his.
LONG LIVE THE GEEKS AND ALL THEIR SPLENDIDNESS. DEATH TO THE BROS!
Ah, what a splendid utopia that would be. Now what to do about the emos and hipsters…?
Written by Frank Bologna · Filed Under College · 
Print This Article ·
Tagged: bros, College, emos, frat, fraternities, hipsters, sororities
Yes, I agree. The phoenomena of sororities is also a mystery to me… I wish that you had tackled the whole issue of greek social life on campus. For myself, being a non-traditional 2nd time college student at the moment, I am anywhere from 5-9 years older than these girls, and to me it seems like an extension from high school for those that didnt make the college cheer squad. Are these organizations really important to include in a well rounded education? Very thought provoking. Cheers, Frank.
Kate
I’ve had a lot of people suggest I should look deeper into that culture, for I’ve been told that there are many fraternities and sororities which are actually quite conducive to maintaining a sense of community and fellowship. And I’m sure there are. I’ll be the first to admit that my impression on the whole issue of Greek social life stems from a couple of “bad apples.”
But like you said, I can’t help but think that these clubs are nothing but extensions of a “high school” mentality, and it’s hard for me to see their importance in the grand scheme of getting a well-rounded education. Of course, this viewpoint reveals an inherent bias on my part, for I’ve always had an aversion to clubs and groups.
Thanks for your comment, Kate.
I don’t know . . . I think geeks aren’t as marginalized as they’d like to believe. It’s part of the geek scene to be the outsider. There’s such a thing as geek chic, you know. Look at Urban Outfitters – - or Thora Birch.
I’ve never been tempted to join a sorority, but both my brother and sister participated in Greek life. My brother didn’t really have ‘bros’ in his frat – - they used to play games and make chocolate chip pancakes and binge drink together. They weren’t really geeks, but they weren’t bros. They were just guys. (Though I think my brother is ultra-cool, but I’m a geek, so . . . ) The geek-bro blur is nothing new, though – - see Revenge of the Nerds I, II, III, IV, V, VI, . . . . XIII.
As a side note, would it be okay if this site laid off the barbs agains women and fat people? I just read three random articles and each one had some barb against those two sects of the population. I don’t want to get all Tina Fey here – - no, wait, I do. Don’t you think those two sects of the population are put upon enough? Don’t you think those jokes, barbs, and jabs are tired and lame. It’s obvious from the rest of the writing that y’all are better than that.
I think the bro is very much alive in Hawaii. Not the frat type of bro, but the usage of the term. In fact, if you don’t call somebody a bro, brah or brahda, it’s pretty obvious you’re not from around here. I’ve always used the term “man” but I find myself throwing “bro” into the mix pretty often these days to avoid a pineapple upside the head from a haole hating local.
I knew a co-worker from Hawaii, and I gotta tell you: she called me “bro” as if we both came from the same womb. In that context, I can see it being endearing. You’re definitely right about that, David.
And I have to ask: Do they REALLY throw pineapples in Hawaii? Do they throw whole roasted pigs with the apples in their mouths, too? And what do you have to do to deserve that?
LOL, nah… they don’t really throw pineapples. They might throw rocks and garbage, scream obscenities, or mug you if you happen to be the only white person on the wrong side of the island. It’s just like I wouldn’t want to find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time in the hills of Kentucky. The same principle applies here. I’m not going to go wandering in to a convenient store in Makaha at 11pm anytime soon. All the Hawaiians I know are awesome people and I haven’t had any personal bad experiences, but I hear a lot of stories. Usually you have to be disrespectful to deserve it, but sometimes you just have to be white, haha.