Love Is in The Crapper

Every few weeks at my school I encounter a publication that continually changes my life. Whether that is for the better or not has yet to be determined. The counseling center has deemed that the best way to disseminate advice is in the public restroom. Not just in the restroom, but taped to the back of the stall door. They figure they have your attention for a few moments, they might as well inform you at the same time.

Past issues of the “Potty Papers” (their title, not mine) have concentrated on how to study for finals, eating disorder awareness, and giving. This month I was wished a Happy Valentine’s Day with the following Potty Paper message:

“Love is patient. Love is kind. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love does not envy, doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first”. Love doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the faults of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel. Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going until the end.”

Aside from the obvious problems of the plagiarism of 1 Corinthians 13:4 and the deep grammatical structure issues, this passage disturbs me on multiple levels. First of all, the overall message we get from this is “Love is everything you ain’t”. Nobody lives up to this! No one, no matter your strength and commitment to love someone is all these things at any one time. Not even Mother Teresa could live up to the standards of the Potty Papers. In fact, Mother Teresa said, “Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.” What’s more is every time you feel envious, fly off the handle, keep score, find things unbearable, look back, or give up- are you to believe that you are not a loving person?

What the Potty Papers are missing is the part where love brings you a Frosty from Wendy’s when you are sick. Love will tape The Office for you when you can’t get home from class in time to watch it. Love will call you on your birthday, or on the day after apologizing profusely for being an asshole. Love will change the sheets on your bed because you hate to do it. Love will try your patience, test your limits, and push you into more difficult and painful places than you could ever experience otherwise. As someone wise once said (or rather sang), “The more you love someone the more you want to kill them.” Love will make you upset, angry, sad, depressed, and terrified. It will also course through your veins at the speed of family or the pulse of romance.

On Valentine’s Day I hope that we can learn to let go of these glorified notions of love that come to us from an imaginary world of movies, TV, and toilet literature. I hope, instead, that we are able to find the small things that make love attainable and special rather than outlandish and combustible. Sorry Potty Papers- but I think you’re full of shit.