Seen Through the Eyes of the College Dorm

“Nothing is sacred in the dorm. All is known. All is done. It is the established, anti-establishment of the college establishment.”
- ME! 2009

Ah the dorm. It is the home away from home, the dark hole of Calcutta, study cubicle, roommate bond-a-rama, place of slumber and the splendid romantic getaway of all your high school and college dreams, right? Maybe? Well, those days are in the rearview mirror.

Now, you’re in the first, second, third, etc. place in your real terra firma quarter life. I imagine it is a long way from the MTV Crib, the classic “Friends” New York style décor with some edginess, cute fixer upper bungalow or the downtown exposed brick loft.

And then you are probably working that “perfect” job in the human resource cubicle farm. In these horrible economic times that employment might be just Seattle’s Best coffee in your local Borders. Either way, you are putting in long hours which sort of makes it another kind of home away from home. A long way from the dream job with its cute pants suits, silk ties, caz Fridays, expense account American Express, flex time and global travel.

Hell you may have it all and I am just blowing in the wind. But, I doubt it. Let me know…am I in the ballpark here? More than likely. So let’s get on with it.

Back to the college dorm. It was not girls running around with towel wrapped hair in cotton robes sharing good times and bad. Your first place or current home is not olive trays, chardonnay parties and tea roses in the garden. And in a twist of weird irony…for guys it is still not a place of chicas scurrying draped with towel wrapped hair in cotton robes or LESS! All of these visions of habitation have one thing in common…exceeded youthful expectations. Now no one is not telling you to set your goals high and strive to attain them, but come on…

Instead of exceeded expectations of occupancy, how about putting things into healthy perspective with casual comparisons? What you had then and what you have now. And what you can do with it in your quarter life journey. Let us compare, contrast and come up with some helpful hints. We’ll start off with some easy ones to ponder and move onto some heavy hitting lying on the therapist couch types.

Twin Bed Still? They were a dorm mandatory item. Might I suggest taking that first pay stub, skip the student loan payment and splurge on a larger canvas to practice your romantic artistry, slumber upon, cry away in the old comforter, and snooze button yourself to a reprimand from your boss or sleep off the hangovers which get harder and harder as your 20’s keep getting older and older.

For the girls, in the dorm, there were the mildewed walls and Monet prints…oh you’ll have the cute comforter to tie it all in. Now? Well, the mildew is still there. The Monet frame was broken during its packing cardboard box journey in the back of the truck. But, you still have the comforter with all its stained and peculiar scents full of memories. Though it is now the designated DVD watching couch comforter.

Dorm: Encrusted hair driers, crappy countertop space & shower shoes. Your place: Same, sans the shower shoes.

Your Dorm Dead Potted Plants makes you think about what kind of a parent you will be. Your ¼ life? Start off easy. Ferns are hard to kill. Then maybe a cat or puppy. Move on to a boyfriend…or girlfriend…or both. I am not here to judge.

Dorm and/or new abode bathroom etiquette or lack thereof? Damn. Still sharing the bathroom? Better reevaluate your next lease, 2 beds – 2 baths…minimum!

The Old Poster. Dorm posters that show places and things you have never been nor done. Get on a plane and fix that…SOON!
Clothes Care Center…a.k.a. dirty and ancient washateria. Take a stand against collecting quarters. D/W hook-ups can make life worth living.

Furnishing? Dorm furniture is, in the basic definition, I guess we could call it furniture. You might still have some and probably will send a few pieces off with your far in the future son or daughter’s good-byes going to their college years. Clutter equals bad. Corn colored couch from the 70’s…keeper!

Coed dorms? A place where dreams and nightmares come true!
Coed office bathrooms…nuff said! Go down a floor, across the hall, lunch at Chochkies crapper. You’ve put in your time with sharing the facilities, you deserve your own little place.

Lofts? You tell me how a living abode word can have two desperately separate meanings? One loft is a trendy home in a converted warehouse district. The other is something you built with the roomie out of discount lumber from Home Depot.

Microwave popcorn? There is no escape. The dieting office secretary pops hers at 3:30 every afternoon. Its rank pop emanates from I sear to God the same over used, never cleaned, trillion Watt, and crusty microwave in your previous college dorm kitchen.
Smell Advice. Replace the Bath and Body weapon of mass destruction smells with something clean and subtle. Hopefully there is no need to unsuccessfully disguise the previous zoo smell of your dorm room. And no more need for the incense stick. Well, maybe. Depending on your relax habits. This time use a liquid oil incense diffuser.

What’s that on the Wall? No movie posters, horribly sickly sweet romantic prints, pennant flags, sports, splayed nudity, beer induced advertisements or anything computer game related. There is a time to put away childish things and start anew as a grown, legal, libel, liberated, insurance paying individual. Exception you can keep out that Madden 10…that is a pretty sweet game. Oh, and stacking beer cans has now become recycling. I think Mother Earth can take another one for the team. Go ahead and start another.

“Back After Class!” Grease pencil message board on the door. Maybe one of these plastic wonders can still reside in your world, but keep it on the cubicle wall.