Twenty-something Twi-hard

I’m about to divulge something terribly embarrassing. Not only have I read all the Twilight books, I’ve read them twice and enjoyed them thoroughly. It’s one thing to love Harry Potter. There is literary validity to JK Rowling’s work- she’s a good writer who knows how to tell a good story. Stephenie Meyer, on the other hand, weaves a story about an obsessive teenage girl and her creepy stalker immortal vampire boyfriend. It’s not good writing, and its not particularly a good story. But I read them, and come Thursday, November 20, 2009 at Midnight, I’ll be sitting next to many teenagers and twenty-somethings watching the second installment of the Twilight movies.

I’m not proud, but I’ve come to terms with being a Twi-hard. It all started because I needed something to read while I waited for Harry Potter 7 to come out. My true addiction- I needed something to quell the years of waiting to find out how the ultimate battle between good and evil would end. So a friend recommended Twilight. It sounded innocent. Vampires, teenagers, werewolves…what could be the harm? Four books later and I curse myself for ever starting.

When I was a teenager, I read everything Anne Rice ever wrote. Between 1984 and The Scarlet Letter I managed to become obsessed with the lives of Louis, Lestat, Claudia, Vittorio, Memnoch (the Devil), Armand…well you get the picture. For a teenage girl who is awkward, a little socially inept, and who may or may not have had her heart crushed by mortal boys, there is something enticing about a boy who is in to only you, and will be for centuries. I like to think that I’ve matured since then. I know a lot more about who I am and about myself in relationships. So now that I no longer lust for the beautiful sparkly boy who never ages and thirsts for my blood- why would a twenty-something woman like Twilight?

There are plenty of things about the books (and soon the movies) that I don’t like. I think that the dynamics between the relationships are based on huge imbalances of power. I don’t believe in the instant insanity love that these kinds of books profess and think that promoting that can be harmful. I don’t believe in giving money to the Mormons- which is what you end up doing when you purchase Meyer’s books. What the books DO do for me is remind me of how far I’ve come.

Bella, the main character of the series, is fairly average, despite having a vampire for a boyfriend and a werewolf for a best friend (Team Jacob people- you’ll never get your way and you know it). But as stupid and creepy as the sparkly boy standing over her bed can be, Bella’s thoughts are truly those of a 17 year old girl. Obsessive at times, and ridiculous at others I saw my teenage self in her.

Book 2, New Moon, is the best of the series in representing her pre-quarterlife pain. I’ve fought with the other Twi-hards about the validity of book two (no mocking allowed if you’ve ever had a conversation in Klingon, debated Spiderman v. Superman, or analyzed the psychological development of the Alien creature from movie 1 to 4). But, it was in book 2 that I really got hooked. Stephenie Meyer steps out of her fanfic storytelling to get straight to the gut pain of what it is to be a teenage girl. Granted, her pain is over a boy- like most teenage drama- but it is no less real. That pain, the crippling, earth shattering, paralyzing pain of loss hit me at time in my quarterlife when I was feeling many of the same emotions as Bella.

Being in the middle of my job search, I certainly feel some of that pain resurface at times. Part of the terror of a quarterlife crisis is feeling like you’re taking a step backwards. Feeling those out of control moments can bring back memories of fighting with your parents, the stress of calculus, or a significant other who broke your heart.

No matter how much pain your twenties brings- it is never the same as actually being in your teens. There are joys that come in your twenties that you can’t imagine in high school. There are pains that are so much more complex, but that also come from having greater, wider experiences.

I like Twilight because I can remember what it was like to be that girl while recognizing that I am not her. Going through a quarterlife crisis is certainly a struggle, but could never be as stupid and painful as being a teenage girl with a sparkly stalker boyfriend who can’t grow facial hair.