I had a WikiLeak once…

February 21, 2011

I had a WikiLeak once…

Seriously I did. But antibiotics cleared it right up.

And thanks to my fifth senior year at twenty-three, with whom I thought was an innocent freshman gave me mono to boot.

Ergo, the cliché slogans of “No glove – no love,” “She smokes – she pokes” or “Wrap the rascal” have more importance than ever for healthy quarter life sexuality.

Whether straight, gay, lesbian, bi, curious, trans, furries, pre-op, monogamous, player and whatever they come up next during Queer Eskimo Awareness Week…we have all got to take a responsible role with our bodies.

There is something like a new hepatitis being reported every week by the CDC. I think we are up to something like Q-4 on the alphabet. Roll into the Petri dish, super-bug staph, bizarre genital warts, good old HIV and about a 100 other mood killers and it is a wonder we can shake hands without a Level IV bio HAZMAT suit.

Heck, the outbreak of bed bugs on college campuses and Disney resorts tells you something is amiss.

So what is a Q-lifer to do? The old school days of condoms are just a memory. The Ring, dental damns and blood testing are fast becoming norms. Not being gross here…that is just the reality we live in. Your fist kiss these days might land you with a mouth full of acne.

And yep it is scary. But there are ways to deal with it and keep a normal, again, healthy libido, romantic and maturing QL lifestyle.

Here are some hints from my former Human Sexuality 102-304 course. She was a TA in the class. And yes, I dated her. She taught be so, so many things. But I ended up with a B-. Go figure on that. Well, now she is a MD of internal medicine in Baltimore. Dr. Tracy Connick helped me out with some good advice.

Condoms are still the best choice.

Float around the idea of what sex is really about before you actually do it. Ergo, think with your brain and not your nethers.

If committed to taking the next step in your relationship, get a STD blood panel. You owe it to yourself and others to get tested. It also makes a deep statement about your care and concern for you partner.

If you have a condition or not, you are accountable. And these days that means more than morally. In some cases, if you transmit a disease, you can be prosecuted in a court of law or have your pants sued off this time.

In your twenties you still feel bullet proof. You are not. It does not just happen to someone else. Odds are one in three of your friends have some sort of venereal disease.

Never put yourself or others in a pressure situation. Just say no is still a staple, but even in more innocent circumstances; never push sex on yourself or a partner.

It is okay to take your time. It is alright to ask about past partners or the health of another. It is fun to let loose. It is up to you about how cool it might be to hook up or wear a chastity ring. It is NOT, ever cool to take yours or others’ emotional and physical well beings at risk.

Be smart. Practice safe sex. But don’t freak out that a peck goodnight or some club rave mug down is going to give you Ebola. Use good judgment.

Get informed. Again, don’t go all hypochondriac or OCD. Relationships, random or committed are stressful enough. But knowledge is power.

Stay healthy. See your doctor regularly. Have good hygiene. Prevention is key. And for heaven’s sake wash your hands.

I liked the last one best. Mom’s advice about soap and water was right. And thank goodness that was the only thing she ever spoke about doing the nasty.

I also thought the whole knowledge, be informed was kinda cool. Sort of like those cartoon G.I. Joe public service advice segments. “And knowing is half the battle. GO JOE !”

So there it is in a nutshell. No pun intended. Weird times we live and love in, but we can get through the QL and further on with just a little caution and a whole lot of care for ourselves and others.

The Perils of Online Dating

February 25, 2010

You’ve tried them all- Match, eHarmony, Craigslist- and you’re still coming up duds. The QL crew talks dating in a digital world, with both beautiful results and hilarious disasters. Shout out to the “Lemon Guy”! Music by Danko Jones and Josh Canova.

Why “Up in the Air” is a perfect summary of the quarterlife experience

December 21, 2009

Last weekend, I thought I was going to see the new George Clooney film. Instead, I found myself examining my metaphoric life on film, and loving it.

The main premise of Up in the Air focuses on the routine life of Ryan Bingham (George Clooney), a bachelor whose philosophy is to have as few personal relationships as possible. He flies from one city to another, serving as a “career transition counselor,” helping to ease corporate layoffs. Bingham fondly considers the airport terminals home and his goal in life is racking up American Airlines mileage.

My quarterlife radar turned on when Bingham is forced to work side-by-side with Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick), an overconfident, tech-savvy, and to be frank – obnoxious fresh Cornell grad. Natalie is uptight where Bingham is suave. She is idealistic where he is realistic. She packs a travel-size neck pillow on her first business trip; he lives life on one carry-on bag. Yet, despite their apparent differences, they find a way to teach each other something new. She learns from him how personal a job can be, and the measure of compassion it takes to be effective. He learns from her that life’s dreams are nothing if they are achieved alone, without anyone to share it with. Each has wisdom to impart and assists in the other’s moment of realization.

Especially for quarterlifers, it’s refreshing to see our most annoying qualities on the big screen and recognize it in ourselves. It’s a gentle but heartwarming reminder that we have so much yet to experience. In the end, the moviegoer is left feeling gratified by Up in the Air. Each part of the film – the humor, the zinger lines, the subtle soundtrack and editing – contributes to make this a very worthwhile experience. Highly recommended.

I Do Not Hook Up

June 8, 2009

NPR is weighing in on dating this week. Studies show that we as twenty-somethings are not dating, but rather are hooking up. The availability of casual encounters are much higher for our generation with co-ed dorm rooms, the pervasiveness of Craigslist, and a focus on career and socialization rather than settling down.

My response was…”And?”

Actually, NPR tried to withhold judgment….kind of. They tried to take the high road of “sociological observer” rather than critic. The piece still comes across as “sex bad, marriage good” in the end and that the casual sexual encounter is devoid of emotion, feeling, or care for your partner.

Our own first lady of American Idol, Kelly Clarkson,  has a song on the charts now proclaiming “I Do Not Hook Up.” Ironically co-written by Katy Perry of “I Kissed a Girl” fame, the chorus tells us:

Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I go slow
So if you want me, I don’t come cheap
Keep your hand in my hand, your heart on your sleeve
Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I fall deep
‘Cause the more that you try the harder I’ll fight
To say goodnight

I prefer the Rollergirl anthem of Brand New Key that totes:

I ride my bike, I roller skate, don’t drive no car
Don’t go too fast, but I go pretty far
For somebody who don’t drive
I been all around the world
Some people say, I done all right for a girl.

The tide may be turning where the hook up is no longer regarded as a seedy event in which only loose women and studly men partake. Even if Kelly Clarkson and NPR don’t approve.

For full NPR hooking up info:


Let’s Talk About Sex

July 21, 2008

It was the pre-opening night viewing, and Silver City was flanked by a mob of fans dressed to the nines: high heels, dresses, baubles, and gloss. The moment the red, velvet rope swung down from its shackle, they began strutting their way to the front and entered the theatre, licking their chops hungrily not for the Bulk Barn candy stashed in their purses (though it was a deliciously sneaky way to beat the system!) but for a long-awaited visit from Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha. Sex and the City was back, and I had front-row seats.

Before launching into what I actually thought of the film, I feel the need to say a significant something about the background of the television show, and the lack of attention this history has been given in a variety of reviews about SATC: The Movie. Like so many film adaptations, it really helps to know where a story comes from in order to understand how it went from one form of media to another. [Read more]

Zen Beer-ism

June 13, 2008

Sometimes inspiration comes when you least expect it. For example, last weekend I was at an Irish pub in upstate New York. The waitress had just brought an order of hot wings and another tall, frothy, cold beer. It was a dark amber ale with a good head and great body. Clear. Smooth. Rich. It was hypnotic, and I fell into its trance. The tiny bubbles floated to the top, each one like a little planet racing into outer space. Before long I was floating in the beer. I was swimming around the planets, giddy like a kid on Christmas morning. Okay, maybe I was a little drunk. But inspiration nonetheless struck, and my great realization came: beer is a metaphor for life.

[Read more]

The Sex And The Pity

February 20, 2008

Sex And The PityI felt it best to christen this website with a debate on a topic which I believe is long overdue, and that is over the show, “Sex and the City.”

Why the need for debate? Let’s just say I find “Sex and the City” to be the worst thing to afflict pop culture since MTV decided to try their hand in original programming.

There, I said it. Let the debate begin.

My distaste for that show stems from several areas. First off, I simply don’t get the show’s appeal. Now, I haven’t seen ALL of the episodes, but I think I’ve seen enough to form an opinion, an opinion which has inhibited me from wanting to see more. Every time I’d watch an episode, I couldn’t help but be disturbed by the show and what it valued and espoused. My distaste would then turn to bafflement when I realized that I seemed to be the only person who had these feelings toward the show. [Read more]