Wikipedia And My Quarter Life Crisis!

August 14, 2010

I was clicking around Wikipedia for some materials to plagiarize from when I came upon an actual entry for the Quarter Life Crisis. Yea, I said it…Wikipedia. Where else is a ¼ Lifer supposed to get his or her information?

Like a medical diagnosis from WebMD, Wiki listed off the symptoms of the Quarter Life Crisis. Here are just a few quotes and highlights:

Lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration and involuntary celibacy.
That sounds more mid-life to me. I guess even ¼ Life Viagra Jr., social network sites and texting just did not turn out to be wonder relationship builders they were touted to be.

Realizing that the pursuits of one’s peers are useless.
Wow…talk about negative Nelly.

Confronting one’s own mortality.
Morbid to extremes. I think most of us already have come face to face with the fact we will some day slough off the mortal coil. Three reasons we wished for death early or saw that it would come one day. A. When we were kids we watched Lucas cinematically rape Star Wars. B. That one chick at spring break who had to have her stomach pumped of Everclear liquor. C. SARS, Staph, Swine flu, MRSA, Bird flu, H1N1, super AIDS and the fact that even making out can give you a death strep.

Watching time slowly take its toll on your parents, only to realize you are next.
Damn Wikipedia. You are just a little ray of sunshine for the Y Generation aren’t ya?

Disappointment with one’s job
Shut up! Welcome to the Real Frigging World. That is no crisis. For most, that is just a fact, Jack!

Nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
Okay maybe I do long for the past glories of my youth. Maybe that means I am ¼ life crisis level 1. Maybe my Zoloft is not working. Maybe we all rightfully think back to a time when we could pull three all-nighters in a row, could recover from a hangover with a breakfast taco buffet, had a month off for the Holidays and couldn’t shake a text book without hitting some male or female tale. Is that so wrong? And…the last part, “elementary” nostalgia? What? Wiki thinks my ¼ life crisis can be cured by nap time.

Tendency to hold stronger opinions
Heaven forbid, a Quarter Lifer should be mature enough to have solid feelings on a variety of subjects.

Boredom with social interactions
Well, Facebook and Farmville are not exactly social interactions, so I do not know how you could be bored.

Financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipated high cost of living, etc.)
Okay…that does suck. But, better start dealing with it…ain’t gonna get any economically better anytime soon.

Desire to have children
True, the bio clock might be ticking. Don’t do anything rash. Guys wear a love glove and check that medicine cabinet to make sure she is up to date on her pill…and don’t swallow that whole Nuvo Ring story. Ladies? Do I have to tell’ya never to trust guys and the idea of exact timing? Everyone. Children are never the answer to help anyone out of a crisis. Fix up your shit before you screw up someone else’s.

A sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you.
Trust me they are not. And you should never try to keep up with the Jones.

It is a shame the whole classic legend that the Chinese word for crisis is also the same word for opportunity. I like to think it is true. I also like to believe that a ¼ Life Crisis as defined by Wikipedia sounds more like the same helicopter parenting, Ritalin dogma that put so many ¼ lifers in an awkward social world. And no matter whose definition or symptoms you use, crisis will come, how you deal with it will decide if it also a chance for positive ¼ life change.

Now…where are my pills?