The Enjoyment of Unemployment

Slacker, underachiever, no-good, detriment to society, straight up loser; how could someone with any sense of value take pride in unemployment?…well I’ll tell you how.

I’m a twenty-five year old college graduate with a degree in Film and Television. Two years ago I walked across the Graduation stage and took a hold of that prestigious piece of paper. It was my greatest achievement to date (step aside ’93 Little League all-star appearance), and filled me with a sense of satisfaction and success. To be honest it made me a little giddy. I was light on my feet as I walked across the stage. It felt like a pair of hands lifted me across, guided me, and reassured me with their guidance that everything was going to be ok. It was an incredible feeling and one that I’ll never forget.

In six months time those same hands were back but with a little different feeling this time. Instead of lifting me across the stage they were slamming me…in the gut…over…and over…and over…and over. Yes, my bright and shining future had a $100,000 black cloud of debt looming overhead and there was/is nothing to do but take the punches and deal with it.

Lucky for me I was fortunate enough to land a job in my career right after graduation. It was local to my college making it convenient not to make a big move after I graduated. It was a good entry-level job as a productions assistant for a TV show about all things agriculture. I began as an unpaid intern, moved into part-time and in a few months full-time work. The Savannah run television show aired on PBS across the nation. Yes, its PBS, and Yes the content has a lot to do with farms so No it was not my dream job but it was a start, more importantly it was a way to pay the bills and loans (1,000/month). Yup, $1,000 to loan companies every month! $1,000 a month until I’m 60! Never again will I be able to buy 1,000 dollar menu items from Wendy’s in the month of April, never again will I be able to afford 50 bottles of Jose Cuervo in August, and never again will I be able to purchase 65 of those novelty tuxedo t-shirts in November, you know the ones that make it look like your wearing a tuxedo but in actuality it’s only a T-SHIRT!! HA! Anyway, what I’m trying to say is loan debt sucks. It’s always there. Always present. Always annoying. And always needs to be dealt with. It’s a lot like herpes. Loans are the herpes of the financial world.

Now since loans are the herpes than a steady job must be the preventative topical cream. So, I knew it was very important to keep this job and keep those herpes at bay. Of course this added a lot of pressure onto a job already full of it. As a productions assistant there were endless new problems to deal with, difficult demands to be on top of, a number of bosses to cater to, unreliable workflow that varied daily, and a management crew with a knack to create problems rather than fix them. The company had its problems and the entry levels suffered. There were mistakes made, my job was threatened often, endless confrontations, and a constant feeling of failure. Of course the struggles are to be expected this early in a young career. Everyone struggles when they start right? Dealing with low pay, or treated poorly, or both is simply the norm. But expecting it and telling yourself it’s going to be ok does nothing to curb the actual feeling of ‘dealing with it’, the feelings of anxiety and depression that float around your head throughout the day.

Even with my anxieties, to say the least, it was a comfortable job. Two years was the longest I’ve worked anywhere and it was hard to find the motivation to push myself and quit. And I never did. As much as I thought about it I never walked into the CEO’s office and handed him my two weeks. I didn’t because of those damned herpes. I was paying the bills and keeping the loans in check. I wasn’t gaining any ground or even saving but I was at least breaking even. But I was miserable. But I was breaking even. But still pretty miserable. But making those loan payments. But I hated my job. But the loan debt wasn’t getting higher. But MISERABLE…

Two weeks ago I was called into the Senior VP’s office and let go. The company was through with production for a while and couldn’t afford to keep me on payroll. I wasn’t surprised and I wasn’t hurt though I did feel rejected. In some way it felt like I was personally holding back the company from achieving success. It felt personal but I know it wasn’t. It was a business move and that’s all there was too it. As I walked out the door I shook the VP’s hand and thanked him for the opportunity to be a part of the show and I meant it. I closed the door behind me and knew that I would always be on the outside of what was like a second home.

As I walked to my car I felt light again. I wasn’t concerned about how I was going to pay my loans, or how I was going to pay bills. I felt elusive, like I was sneaking away from the scene of a crime and no one was there to catch me. The hands were back and helped me open my car door and I drove off. Strangely enough I felt comfortable and at ease only a few minutes after being laid off. I had every reason to freak out and go into a sleepy depression but I never did. Instead I went home played guitar hero then went to sleep comfortably.

The week following my lay off was one of the best weeks of my life. The pressures of work were gone. I didn’t feel miserable. I talked with my family and discussed plans to come home. I never wanted to end up 25 and living at home but was very thankful to have family to go back to. I went into the unemployment office for the first time and filed for unemployment. I’m being awarded just enough to pay off my loans each month enabling me to focus on finding work when I go home rather than my loans. I’m able to put some of my loans that were in forbearance now into unemployment deferment saving me lots of money in interest. The Giants won the Super Bowl! And my sister told me I was going to be an Uncle.

Ever since my lay off I’ve been riding this wave of good fortune and piece of mind in a situation that should have lent itself to the complete opposite. Being unemployed has a strange feeling to it. It’s not quite comfortable nor is it restless but somewhere in between. It’s sometimes hard to accept but I am thankful to be where I am.

My job made me miserable and I didn’t have it in me to quit. My circumstances were my own and no more difficult than anyone else’s. The door at my first job closed behind me because it needed to in order for the next to open and the next after that and the next from there. Wherever I go I know there will always be a door open and that’s a very exciting thought. So, in the meantime, and this goes for anyone in between jobs, take pride in your struggles and like me try to experience the enjoyment of unemployment.