Top 10 Signs You’re Too Health Conscious

10. You spend much of your time at work trying to find organic air on the internet.

9. The Wii Fit actually applauded when you stepped on the balance board.

8. Last nights dinner consisted of locally grown organic field greens, grain fed beef, hydroponically grown tomatoes, and a sampling of dark chocolate and red wine – for the antioxidants.

7. You brush your teeth with flax oil.

6. You incessantly refer to working out as “training”.

5. You’re constantly concerned about how clear your urine is.

4. You eat greens, drink greens, take greens, pee greens, rub yourself in greens; goddammit, it ain’t easy bein’ green.

3. You think “Aquafina” should be called, “Aquacaca.”

2. Your stool is softer than tepid yogurt. Organic tepid yogurt.

1. With your select dietary requirements, your grocery bill has become exorbitant. Tofu is tofucking expensive.