Top Ten Signs You’re Getting Too Old For the Party Scene

10. Your idea of a great Friday night is getting at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

9. Before tapping the keg, you wipe the end of the hose with your own sanitized napkin.

8. The Running Man is your signature dance.

7. When prompted about taking Jell-o shots, you ask if they can hold the shot and just give you the Jell-o instead.

6. When a drunk hottie asks for your number, you give him/her your business card, quickly adding, “Call me after 7 – that’s when my free minutes kick in.”

5. You can dance all night as long as you’re willing to stay in bed with a heating pad and a bottle of aspirin the next day.

4. Even when you’re completely plastered, you’re still apprehensive about blowing $15 on a cocktail that’s better decorated than your apartment.

3. You pass on sharing a late-night pizza with friends, because you know it’ll aggravate your acid reflux the next morning.

2. If your outfit is good enough for work, it’s good enough for the clubs.

1. The only “X” you’ll be doing tonight is Xanax.